


better than okay

by cadyjanis



Series: cadnis [7]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Alternate Canon, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Cady Heron Has ADHD, Comfort, Crushes, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-07 18:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadyjanis/pseuds/cadyjanis
Summary: her binder claps to the floor, and while luckily it doesn’t burst open, the noise makes her wince and cover her ears like a child. the girl steps back, not having intended to scare her, but leans down slowly to pick up the binder.“sorry,” she says, holding it out to cady, who takes it with burning cheeks. god, this is bad. it’s really bad. this is the most terrible thing to ever happen to her.—newbie cady unexpectedly finds herself walking home with the girl she’s been avoiding.





	better than okay

**Author's Note:**

> this is sorta canon divergent?? cady’s arrival at north shore is a little different. and i love/relate to the idea of her having adhd so i wanted to wrestle with it. enjoy!
>
>> **trigger warnings:**   
>  sexual harassment

Cady thinks she’s been doing okay.

 

She survived her awkward and lonely first day of high school. And then her second, which was somehow worse. And every day since then has gotten a little easier. Sure, nobody talks to her, and she hasn’t made any friends, and most of her lunches take place in the girls’ bathroom.

 

But she’s okay. She’s mapped out her classes and likes the subjects she chose. She sits behind this cute guy in calculus, but he knows her name even less than everyone else does. The only person nice enough to introduce themselves is her teacher, Ms. Norbury, a divorcee who was and still is the kindest person Cady has met so far.

 

Cady comes home every afternoon to disappoint her parents with the news she has yet to find friends. They tell her maybe tomorrow she’ll have better luck, and she just nods.

 

She isn’t sure if she even wants friends anymore. She was so excited to meet people and now her spirits are dampened. Can she really go nine months without knowing anyone? God, no. It hurts to even imagine it. Cady knows she’s socially inept, and her constantly multitasking brain doesn’t make it any easier, but just one friend is all she wants. Just one person to stand by her til summer. She hates feeling alone.

 

So she can’t quite justify why she’s so intent on avoiding this girl in her homeroom class who greeted her with a stupidly attractive grin and helpful advice: “Don’t sit there. Dawn Schweitzer saves that seat for her boyfriend.” So Cady sat in the front.

 

Well, Cady knows why she’s steering clear of her. The girl, not bossy Dawn. It’s just something she’s still coming to terms with. And it freaks her out that it had to happen on her first day. Now it’s on her mind, underlying everything, and she didn’t have a moment to prepare.

 

Today at the end of homeroom, as soon as the bell rings, Cady bolts out the door, startling Ms. Norbury as usual. Cady gets hit with this random lightning strike of anxiety that makes her move faster than necessary to avoid interaction.

 

She doesn’t know how she’d behave in front of…her. Merely glancing at her is nauseating.

 

Because that girl is singlehandedly the hottest person Cady has ever laid eyes on and Cady’s newfound attraction to girls goes haywire, and the thought of having to talk to or be near her is the most panic-inducing scenario Cady could possibly be in.

 

So. Cady high-tails it out of homeroom to lessen the chances of bumping into her.

 

She’s perfectly aware of how ridiculous it is, but it’s hard enough forming complete and normal sentences when talking to other people.

 

People that don’t make her knees tremble when she sees them in the hallway.

 

The entire day is the same as the rest, with Cady hunching her shoulders to get past people and raising her hand too many times because she can’t help it and not talking to Cute Calculus Guy and shuffling up to her locker in relief after the final bell.

 

Just an average day at North Shore for Cady Heron. Nothing about it is different than—

 

“Uh, hey,” a voice to her left says, and she jumps.

 

Her binder claps to the floor, and while luckily it doesn’t burst open, the noise makes her wince and cover her ears like a child. The girl steps back, not having intended to scare her, but leans down slowly to pick up the binder.

 

“Sorry,” she says, holding it out to Cady, who takes it with burning cheeks. God, this is bad. It’s really bad. This is the most terrible thing to ever happen to her.

 

“It’s okay,” she manages to say, now trying to remember the rest of her locker combination.

 

There’s a silence as she figures it out, then the girl says, “Uh, you only live a few minutes from here, right?” which is actually a tad creepy.

 

Cady looks at her sideways. “Um. Yeah,” she replies regardless, eyes darting away now. “How do you know that?” Is it weird that she knows? Or are addresses public knowledge?

 

“Oh. Um. I asked Norbury,” the girl tells her honestly. “Like, because I see you talk to her, I just figured maybe she might know. Which she did.” She shrugs.

 

“Okay.” Cady swallows, or at least tries to. Her pulse is thudding in her ears. She can’t be mad at Ms. Norbury for revealing what should be private information when she’s trying not to faint.

 

“Um. Anyway.” The girl scratches her ear. She’s wearing hoop earrings. Dark eyeshadow. Lots of eyeliner. Purple lipstick. Her hair is brown that fades into light blonde, which Cady is positive is not possible on a genetic level. Her clothes are edgy and weird, with floral fishnet tights, and heavy boots, and this denim jacket she clearly painted on herself. Everything about her is vivid and loud and confident. Even her side cut.

 

Cady realizes she’s staring, something she swore she wouldn’t do, and forces her eyes to look away again. Only a matter of seconds have passed but they feel like centuries.

 

“Not to freak you out,” the girl prefaces, as if she hasn’t already, “but, uh, these jock guys were staring at you earlier and they’re still here, so… I can walk you home, if you want. Or just far enough from here they won’t follow.”

 

Cady feels gutted. Okay, she gets a pass. That’s even creepier.

 

“Um.” Cady tries to make sense of it, but her stupid brain is running in circles, bouncing off her skull like a ping-pong ball. Then she digs into her bag to produce her can of mace. “I have this. It doubles as a pocket knife, see?” She flips it upside down to show off the blade. It’d be a cool gadget if it wasn’t just a literal pocket knife duct taped to the can.

 

It was her mom’s idea. Ever so protective.

 

The girl looks at it, biting her lip (which should be illegal, good God) like she’s trying not to bust up laughing. Cady’s eyes are drawn to her hands, where her fingers bear pretty but solid rings. Then there’s her boots, which remind Cady of her own father’s. Clunky and strong.

 

Her can of mace with the knife attached pales in comparison.

 

“Yeah, nevermind.” Cady puts it back, gets what she needs from her locker, and shuts it. “Uh, I guess,” she murmurs, wishing she could pull out her fidget cube and not be embarrassed by it. Though she gets a sense this girl wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

 

She smiles hopefully. Her little grin is adorable. Cady’s stomach flops like a fish.

 

“You’ll let me?” she says, and Cady half-nods, half-shrugs, reluctant but out of options. “Great. I’m Janis, by the way.” She extends a hand.

 

The hand with all the distracting rings. Cady realizes she’s supposed to shake it, and does. It’s a feat not to squeal over the simple touch. Janis has really soft skin.

 

Cady isn’t sure what she expected otherwise.

 

“Cady,” she blurts belatedly, remembering her manners. She can’t make eye contact. She’d be an actual puddle if she made that mistake.

 

They’re quiet as they head for the entrance, Cady on edge the entire time. Her heart leaps into her throat when she spots the loitering jocks up front, wearing their dumb varsity jackets.

 

Janis casually swings an arm around Cady’s shoulders and Cady’s whole brain starts crackling white noise and the walk from here to the doors takes forever. She’s glad there’s still other people here, but feels exposed nonetheless. One of the guys notices them and greets Janis by her last name—that earns him a look that Cady is glad she’s not on the receiving end of.

 

It’s a relief to finally get outside, and Cady mourns the loss of Janis’s arm when Janis removes it from her shoulders. Janis looks behind them, then follows Cady in the direction of her house. Cady’s heart is pounding for a multitude of reasons.

  

Despite all that, Cady feels safer with Janis than she would if she was alone, and is grateful. It is still nerve-wracking that her crush (can she say that? Is that what Janis is?) of all people came to her aid. And Cady is proud of herself for _not_ panicking.

 

After a while (though it’s only been a minute or so), Janis asks, “So, you like it here?”

 

Cady looks at her for clarification. _Here_ could mean a number of places and Cady would shoot herself in the foot if she started rambling in front of this girl. She’s done that before, and it ends with the other person kindly interrupting to ask her to slow down. Or just to shut up.

 

“Uh, school,” Janis corrects, and Cady nods.

 

“Oh, yeah,” she says, shrugging. “It’s okay. I don’t know anybody, though. But it’s okay. I mean it’s kind of gross eating lunch in the bathroom, but people are weird and I can’t just join them. I was hoping American teenagers would be friendly but I guess not. Most of them, anyway,” she adds, so Janis won’t take offense. “So yeah. I like my classes, though. Ms. Norbury is cool. My mom used to be my teacher so I’ve actually had to keep myself from calling her _Mom_ … Which is super embarrassing now that I said it out loud.”

 

Janis laughs. “Don’t be embarrassed. Literally everyone has done that.”

 

Cady looks at her feet. “Yeah, well. I’d feel so dumb. But anyway. Yeah, I like school.”

 

Janis purses her lips for a minute, contemplating something. Then she grins at Cady. “So, did I scare you on your first day, or what?”

 

Cady stops again, inhaling nervously. “What do you mean?” She knows what she means.

 

Janis’s smile grows. “Not to sound full of it, but I think you’re avoiding me.”

 

Cady bites her tongue. Well, shit. She thought she was being so sneaky. “Oh. Why?”

 

“I dunno. You duck out of sight if you see me. And you looked freaked earlier.”

 

Janis doesn’t appear insulted, more amused than anything, but naturally Cady overanalyzes it. She shuffles her sandals as she tries to think of a way to justify her twitchy behavior.

 

“I mean, I’m used to it,” Janis continues. “People either ignore me or they act like I’m this witch who will curse them with my dark magic.”

 

Cady blushes. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel—”

 

“No, no.” Janis shakes her head quickly. “You didn’t. I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but… Yeah, I just, uh—sorry if I did something to scare you.”

 

“You didn’t,” Cady echoes, wishing the sidewalk would open up beneath her feet. She can’t tell the truth, that she finds Janis intimidatingly tall and beautiful. It’s a specific part of her she’s not ready to share with anyone. She doesn’t even know how Janis would react to it.

 

“I’m just weird, I’m sorry,” Cady mumbles, wanting to cry. She can’t explain her brain to people. It’s wired differently. “You’re just really—you’re pretty, and you seem like a cool person, and it’s been a while since someone my age was nice to me, so I was overwhelmed, and it’s so stupid because I want friends but I’ve been avoiding you and we’d probably be friends by now if I hadn’t—I dunno, if I’d reacted differently—”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Janis soothes, reaching for Cady’s arms to steady her. Cady didn’t realize how off balance she felt until Janis gently grips her shoulders, cementing her to the ground.

 

“No it’s not,” Cady insists guiltily, automatically holding on to Janis’s elbows. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be weird, or make you feel like you did something, I’m just awkward and haven’t been to America before and…everything is so goddamn _strange._ ”

 

“I get it,” Janis whispers, only letting go when she’s positive Cady won’t fall over. (Again, she is sad at the loss of contact.) “I mean, I’ve grown up here but I know how scary starting over is. It sucks, especially in high school. I won’t hold that against you. It’s fine, really.”

 

Cady can’t look at her, afraid she’ll cry if she does.

 

“But don’t be sorry,” Janis says softly. “Making friends is hard, trust me. Especially when you’re a weirdo and everyone knows it.”

 

Cady sniffs, warding off her tears for now. “Yeah. Well. I definitely am weird.”

 

Janis grins and playfully punches her in the arm. “Own it. People will try to make you feel like it’s a bad thing, but it’s not. We’re normal but in a different way. Okay?”

 

That genuinely makes Cady feel better, and while Janis doesn’t know she has ADHD, applying it to that helps. “Okay,” Cady echoes, standing a little taller. They resume their trek then. Janis is funny and answers all of Cady’s questions about this “wack-ass, shitty hellhole” of a country.

 

Talking to her gets easier. So does being near her. Cady’s still mildly flustered, probably will be for as long as they’re friends. But maybe she can deal with it. Janis isn’t scary now.

 

Cady is disappointed when they reach her house, where her mom is sitting on the porch with a book. She waves at Cady, who waves back, and Janis does, too.

 

“Um, so. Thanks,” Cady says to her, self-conscious again now that her mother is in the vicinity. God forbid she come over to say hello.

 

“Sure.” Janis shifts her backpack onto her other shoulder. “Wanna swap numbers?”

 

Cady is confused for two seconds prior to remembering she does, in fact, have an iPhone now and would very much like to have more than her parents in her contacts.

 

She doesn’t know how to do it, so Janis stands next to her with her phone and shows her. (It is weirdly intimate letting another person see the inside of her phone. She wonders if that is what sex is like. Then wonders why she wondered that.)

 

“There ya go,” Janis says once they’ve successfully added each other’s numbers. Cady’s belly is fluttering, feeling like they’ve exchanged something as precious as a kiss. Or whatever.

 

“Grool,” Cady says unthinkingly, smiling at Janis’s contact. She realizes what she just said and turns pink. “I meant to say great but started to say cool and…”

 

Janis laughs. Cady wants to bottle up that sound.

 

“Grool,” Janis repeats, and bumps her arm again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? I can introduce you to Damian. He’s the freak who sits next to me.”

 

Cady grins, bobbing her head eagerly. “Yeah. Okay. That’s—yeah, okay.”

 

Their eyes meet finally, and it’s not as terrifying as Cady was anticipating. It’s comforting in this odd way. While shrouded in eyeliner and dusted with shadow, Janis’s eyes are warm.

 

“Bye, Caddy,” Janis drawls, having the audacity to wink.

 

“It’s Cady,” Cady responds, feeling dazed.

 

“I’m gonna call you Caddy,” Janis argues good-naturedly, then smiles, and Cady simply stands there on the sidewalk watching her leave.

 

She’s still staring when Janis disappears around the corner.

 

God. She might already be in love.

 

Later that night as she’s doing homework, her phone buzzes with a text. It startles her, and for a moment she doesn’t know who could possibly be texting. But then she sees the name and is elated that Janis actually reached out. She subconsciously assumed she wouldn’t.

 

It’s another aimless conversation, with Cady forgetting her pages of homework completely, but she’d much rather talk to Janis than do calculus. It can wait for once.

 

Never in a million years could she put math on hold for anyone. But now there’s a girl, and she is so much more interesting.

 

Cady was doing okay before. Tomorrow will be better than okay.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are fetch ♡


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